Families are always baffled by alcoholics and addicts simply because their behaviors defy reason. Addictive behavior runs counter to known survival skills. Mistakes are made and then repeated over and over again in an almost ritualistic fashion. The addict uses the substance, then swears off of the substance only to return to it all over again. Consequences seem to mean little. Relationships are manipulated with precision by the substance abuser leaving people around them feeling used and confused or angry, frustrated and helpless.

To clarify why this is we must define the roles and attitudes of family members as they presently exist, and then redefine those roles as they should exist if the Substance Abuser is to be helped. No one can force sobriety. But an atmosphere conducive to recovery can be created. For this to occur, misconceptions about what is helpful and what is not helpful must be addressed.

First and foremost the Chemically Dependent person is not usually a bad person, although the behavior may be reprehensible and even criminally abusive. It is a coping mechanism and a chemical reaction of the body. With that knowledge in hand it stands to reason that if we were to expand the behavioral choices of the person, better coping mechanisms would result.

An addict aka alcoholic is by definition insane in behavior. Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. What outcome? Normal drinking or using. The ability to regain control of the substance to which the addict uses. The substance has become linked to conditioned thoughts and conditioned actions which are by and large habits.

Recognize that all addicted persons are by nature actors. This is a survival skill for them. They are very often charming when it counts and abusive when charming doesn't work. They will often soundly agree that they have a problem that needs to be addressed. The problem that they will want to address is more likely what it is what others do to cause them to use, or why it is that the family does not understand their needs. Addicts are proficient blame shifters ever rationalizing, intellectualizing and justifying their position to throw others off balance.

Most, if not all addicts display some of the characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD's straddle the line between sane and insane. BPD's are very impulsive and impatient people who display unpredictable moods and actions that tend to menace those around them. They are proficient spousal abusers in many cases as well as stalkers.They often go through lovers and friendships by exploiting others until destruction of the relationship occurs. They are often very seductive and sexually loose. They never seem to realize the impact of their behavior on others. When faced with the ultimate consequences of their actions, they explode in anger threatening violence or suicide as a ploy to regain control over what their behavior has cost them.

Another symptom of addiction in progress is Antisocial Personality Disorder. APD's are a great deal of fun to have around. Rules aren't made for them. As kids these people skipped school, vandalized, shoplifted, drank or huffed or both, picked on some poor kid they thought they could bully, and were a total pain in the ass. As adults they lie, cheat, steal, miss work, fail in family responsibility, go deeply into debt, and push conventions to the limits and beyond. These are the stereo blasters, loud mouths and disruptive people who victimize neighborhoods or local bars. When confronted they raise such a ruckus that people tend to back down. Most repeat drunk drivers fall into this category. Help for these characters is generally prescribed in a pre sentencing report.

The behaviors explained on this page will no doubt strike a cord with many of you. Somewhere on this page was an "I know that person." No Chemically Dependent Person Is Unique! . 2+2=4! Some people will have all of these symptoms while others will have combinations of a little of this and a little of that.

I, for instance liked mean practical jokes, making a mockery of billboards with spray paint, blowing things up at 3 am, burglary, skipping school, doing any drug handed to me, constantly and obsessively making passes at women, driving at 100+ mph, fleeing and eluding until I was finally caught, threatening suicide to throw people off balance and even threatening to extinguish some people's lives permanently which I was locked up for more than once. I was totally out of control and was indeed a slow learner for 20 years.

Those were some of the issues. There are many more issues such as sexual abuse and incest by my loving Pop toward my sisters. The next step in this process is Family Responsibilities which includes what to do and what not to do. These are guidelines to regain control of you.

This site is not intended to replace medical advice, treatment programs or local counseling. This site is an informational and discussion resource aimed at educating and provoking thought and or action. Our goal is to provide the best resources available.