What Can Be Addictive?

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=90 BGCOLOR="#006699" TEXT="#080000" background="005fd5a3.jpg"> <div> <I><B>Dependency Answers</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>         </B></I><FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000066" FACE="Georgia" ><I><B>  Since 1998</B></I></FONT></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>|     </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Dependency Answers"><U><B>home</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=210 BGCOLOR="#FFCC66" TEXT="#080000" background="006d2b03.jpg"> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id21.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Articles and Resources"><U><B><U>Articles and Resources</U></B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Dependency Answers"><U><B><U>Home</U></B></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" height=390 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <I><B>What Can Be Addictive?</B></I></div> <bR> <div> We all keep hearing about addictions in the media more and more. We often ask ourselves if everything is addictive or if nothing is addictive and the stories are so much hogwash that leave everyone scratching their heads. Maybe some folks overdo until overdoing is all they know how to do. <I>It felt good, let's do it some more!</I></div> <bR> <bR> <div> The truth is that addiction is defined as participating in a behavior to excess that does not support the quality of your life and, or mental, physical or economic well-being. And in that we find a loaded definition. So I'll take that notion a little further.  Addiction is a behavior choice that leads to the psychological or physical addiction to a substance or activity. It is preoccupation until obsession occurs. It could be a habit that just goes toxic on us.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> Several years ago I lay counseled a woman who was terribly unhappy because every single evening after work and every single weekend her husband would grab his model airplanes and head out to a local field to fly them. If he was asked to take his kids somewhere, he wouldn't. If he was asked to give it a rest, he wouldn't. In fact, when his oldest daughter and her husband were having their first child he wouldn't even go to the hospital the evening of the delivery. "Sorry, too busy."</div> <bR> <bR> <div> Was he addicted? As defined behavior indicative of addiction he was most definitely addicted. He refused marriage counseling. He refused to emotionally support his wife and children choosing to ignore their pleas for family participation in normal living and special events. His life was bed, eat, work and airplanes. He was as far gone emotionally as any alcoholic I've ever seen. He later ended up divorced and alone because of his behavior.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> From alcohol to prescription drugs to illicit drugs to sex, time spent online, food, pornography, gambling, work, hunting, baseball, collecting, shopping, money, power seeking, religion, football, bowling....in short, anything can become addictive to anyone under the right circumstances. Addiction is a counter survival skill. In other words, addiction helps the addicted to "not do something" they should be doing or "not examine something" in their lives that needs attention.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> Drunks and drug addicts self-medicate emotional pain or feelings of unworthiness every bit as much as people who over use any pleasurable behavior. Some find food distracts them and gives comfort. Others immerse themselves in sexual relationships like serial cheaters or porn freaks. Others yet cannot sit still and relax needing a constant flow of distractions to fill their lives like the compulsive shopper or the person glued to ESPN at every opportunity. People even use churches as addictions. People can pathologically over-commit by never saying no to anything. Yes or No is a choice.  But they all share one common thread in their lives that they think is hidden.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> When we see these behaviors coupled with people in their lives who feel neglected and even lonely or important situations in their lives that need attention and are ignored, we know that something deeper within them is going on. It's called avoidance and avoidance comes with a heaping dose of denial. "I am avoiding you or my responsibilities because I find pleasure or distraction in this activity." And if asked about it, it will be denied. They will often call you crazy if you push the subject.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> What to do? The first thing is to show the person what their behavior is doing in material, emotional or economic terms to themselves and others in their lives. The next step is to ask for joint counseling to try to break the behavior down. Don't hold your breath on this method. The denial is often stronger than any plea you could make. Addictions thwart love.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> We move to the third tier of response. Everyone who displays addictive behaviors neglects certain areas of responsibility in their lives opting to shift those responsibilities on to others. Simply refuse to take on the responsibilities of the other person no matter what they are. Keep shoving that load right back under their nose until they have to do it being that some wolf will be at their door. Divide family work loads to include that problem person and stick to it. If clothes aren't washed for them, so be it. If the lawn isn't mowed, so be it. If they don't make a meal on time, so be it, they can take care of it themselves for themselves.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> The idea here is to get their attention and try to force a little attention and responsibility in order to break their addictive thought train owing to the fact that nothing changes until something changes. Unfortunately, the people around the addictive personality must be the first ones to bust a move in order to force that personality to bust a move. Do expect anger and frustration as the comfort level of this personality changes from comfy to not comfy. Addicts on average defend addictions more than anything else in their lives. These people will try to rationalize, justify and intellectualize their behaviors. It's your job not to buy it or fall for it. And we call that "Tough Love". When normal love supports bad behaviors, we shift gears and try Tough Love.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> Anything left to fester in our lives will become infected. Any problem left to grow will become larger and larger. Any disease left untreated will progress. We have but two choices only; rise to the occasion and try to solve the problem, or live in increasing amounts of misery ruining our own lives and the lives of others affected by this person. Choose wisely.</div> <bR> <div> October 05, 2003                                    </div> <bR> <div>  <FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#000099" FACE="Georgia" >Copyright ©1998 2006 Dependency Answers</FONT></div> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>