Is Pornography Addictive?

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=90 BGCOLOR="#006699" TEXT="#080000" background="005fd5a3.jpg"> <div> <I><B>Dependency Answers</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>         </B></I><FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000066" FACE="Georgia" ><I><B>  Since 1998</B></I></FONT></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>|     </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Dependency Answers"><U><B>home</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=210 BGCOLOR="#FFCC66" TEXT="#080000" background="006d2b03.jpg"> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id21.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Articles and Resources"><U><B><U>Articles and Resources</U></B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Dependency Answers"><U><B><U>Home</U></B></U></A></div> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" height=390 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <I><B>Is Pornography Addictive?</B></I></div> <bR> <div> About three years ago I witnessed a close friend become so addicted to Internet Pornography that his addiction escalated to the extreme that he would sit in front of his computer for hours everyday and ignore his wife and children totally. He would not participate in family activities, repair his home or do anything that would interrupt his new found lifestyle. This "fascination" lead him to hide thousands of images on a zip drive so his wife and kids wouldn't know what he was up to. He hid this like a drunk hides a bottle.</div> <bR> <div> Next came the "Hot Chatting" with women in AOL Chartrooms, instant messaging and lewd e-mails. And if that isn't bad enough, he tried to involve his wife in his little games. He had the nerve to swear everyone is doing it. His wife became fed up and asked for joint counseling.</div> <bR> <div> In those sessions this husband tried to convince the counselor that his wife was dreaming up her stories and was depressed and delusional. The counselor believed him and I intervened on the wife's behalf.</div> <bR> <div> This incident ended in divorce. Divorce after 20 years of marriage when the husband wouldn't give up on the lies and come clean.</div> <bR> <div>  You see, pornography is infidelity. Infidelity is termed as finding and executing a sexual relationship outside of your marriage. Paying sexual attention to others. Using your sexual energy for a purpose other than within your marriage.</div> <bR> <div> <I><B>Symptoms and Progression</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700dc00000000.png" HEIGHT="15" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">I'll just look at the images for a few minutes. </B><I><B>curiosity</B></I></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700dc00000000.png" HEIGHT="15" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">I'll collect a few images. </B><I><B>escalation</B></I></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700dc00000000.png" HEIGHT="15" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">I'll masturbate to those images. </B><I><B>replacing spouse-intimacy with images</B></I></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700dc00000000.png" HEIGHT="15" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">I'll return over and over again to fantasize about these images. </B><I><B>setting the habit in place-clear progression to need replacement.</B></I></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700dc00000000.png" HEIGHT="15" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">My fantasies are becoming real.</B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700dc00000000.png" HEIGHT="15" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">My urges are uncontrollable. </B><I><B>Real sex goes to the back burner.</B></I></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700dc00000000.png" HEIGHT="15" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">I convince myself this is normal. </B><I><B>The excuses start.</B></I></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700dc00000000.png" HEIGHT="15" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">I'll try to get my spouse interested in this fun. </B><I><B>Rejection generally occurs here.</B></I></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700dc00000000.png" HEIGHT="15" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">I'll try to find others to work my fantasies out with. </B><I><B>Replacing of original lover. Adultery.</B></I></div> <bR> <bR> <div> The progression becomes more pronounced when a spouse or lover becomes upset with the mind-set of the pornography user not wanting to comply with the new strange requests or demands of the user. Being either replaced or having the relationship take an unwanted left turn from real holding, touching and intimacy is usually not a welcomed change. In some cases the user may want to bring "new friends" into the relationship to work out their new fantasy life and as is quite normal, total rejection occurs.</div> <bR> <div> <I><B>What happens next?</B></I></div> <bR> <div> Pornography gets hidden away from view of others and the behavior continues when no one is looking. Just like an addict of alcohol the behavior is justified and rationalized while the user blames the other person for being a bad sport or not supportive of their needs while the relationships the user has with their lover and family completely changes from close to distant. Fractures to the relationship build until a full break becomes likely.</div> <bR> <div> When we commit to a relationship we acknowledge certain rules for both people to live by in order to maintain the integrity of that relationship.</div> <bR> <div> <B>Example;</B> My sexual energy and attention belongs to my wife and her sexual attention and energy belongs to me.</div> <bR> <div> If I give my sexual attention to anyone who isn't my wife, I have cheated her out of what I promised her when I married her. Broken promises equal broken contracts. No marriage would exist at that point. I don't know of any women who would approve of her husband looking at pictures of naked women and masturbating instead of paying his wife loving attention unless she has some deep issues as well.</div> <bR> <div> If you want to slide the shoe on the other foot we can. What would you feel if your lover began replacing your relationship with images and later other people? Most folks with needs unmet would end that farce electing to have a more traditional love life of touching and being touched.</div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Note</B></div> <div> If you want to cruise porn sites or engage in cyber sex this is still a personal decision that only you can make, but you best do it in a way that no one can find out as every computer is an open book in the right or wrong hands. What one does <U>will not disappear</U> because the history is deleted or an e-mail deleted. Your hard drive still records ALL keystrokes so you need a tool to immediately remove all traces of evidence in seconds. If you wouldn't want your spouse, kids or boss seeing what you have done and where you have been or what you have typed I suggest you visit the <FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000066" FACE="Georgia" ><A HREF="http://subzero5.evderaser.hop.clickbank.net" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://subzero5.evderaser.hop.clickbank."><U><U>Evidence Eraser</U></U></A> </FONT>site which is far cheaper than finding a new job or paying for a divorce.</div> <div> <FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Georgia" >Think about it. Protect your job, family and identity. Better a year early than one minute too late! </FONT><A HREF="http://subzero5.evderaser.hop.clickbank.net" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://subzero5.evderaser.hop.clickbank."><U><U>Evidence Eraser</U></U></A> </div> <bR> <bR> <div> This site is not intended to replace medical advice, treatment programs or local counseling. This site is an informational and discussion resource aimed at educating and provoking thought and or action. Our goal is to provide the best resources available.</div> <bR> <div> Copyright © 1998 2006 Dependency Answers All Rights Reserved</div> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>